Scientologists: Buy My Magic Pebble

Scientologists,

If I told you that I had a "Magic Wishing Pebble" that would grant me every wish, would you believe me?

If I said it gave me super powers, allowed me to live forever, made me cause over the whole universe and much more, would you believe in my Magic Wishing Pebble?

If I said I had a bunch of these pebbles, and I would sell you one, would you buy one?

If you asked me to show you the pebble, and I said, "No, it's confidential," would you still want to buy it?

If you asked me to demonstrate the powers of my Magic Wishing Pebble, show it granting me some wishes, and I said, "No, you're not ready for this sort of thing, you can only experience it after you've bought your own," would you still want one of my incredible Magic Wishing Pebbles?

What if I had a list of hundreds of other people who had bought the Magic Wishing Pebble from me, but they also refused to demonstrate any special benefits from their pebbles, and just spoke in vague terms about "feeling more myself", would you go ahead and join them in buying a wonderful Magic Wishing Pebble from me?

And what if I told you the price was $300,000.00, in advance. Or more, if I'm slow in delivering it to you.

And what if I refused to sell it to you until you signed a long contract which said, essentially, "Buyer agrees the seller has made no promises whatsoever as to performance or even existence of the 'product' being sold to buyer . Buyer agrees that the seller is not responsible for anything at all regarding the 'product'."

Would you buy my Magic Wishing Pebble?

No?

Well, what if I called it "OT VIII"?
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