Scientologists: The Disappearing States of Clear and OT

When I was first introduced to Scientology, I was quite enamored with the states of Clear and OT as described and promised by L. Ron Hubbard.

In Dianetics, the Modern Science of Mental Health, in 1950, Hubbard described Clear:

A clear, for instance, has complete recall of everything which has ever happened to him or anything he has ever studied. He does mental computations, such as those of chess, for example, which a normal would do in a half an hour, in ten or fifteen seconds. He does not think “vocally” but spontaneously. There are no demon circuits in his mind except those which it might amuse him to set up -- and break down again -- to care for various approaches to living. He is entirely self-determined. And his creative imagination is high. He can do a swift study of anything within his intellectual capacity, which is inherent, and the study would be the equivalent to him of a year or two of training when he was “normal.” His vigor, persistence and tenacity to life are very much higher than anyone has thought possible.

L. Ron Hubbard
Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health

I also discovered Hubbard's description and promises for OT from his lectures and materials from 1952.  Hubbard said, when a person attained OT:

• They would be "cause over matter, energy, space, time, life, form and thought". 
• An OT could leave the body at will and go anywhere in the whole universe in an instant.  
• An OT could view any portion of the time track clearly and precisely.  
• An OT could easily create and destroy MEST (matter, energy, space and time).

Who wouldn't desire these states?  I wanted the powers and abilities of Clear and OT.

So, I did Scientology, and I became Clear.  And I was quite disappointed that I never gained any of the abilities and powers that I expected.  But I forgot that these had been promised to me by Hubbard.

I continued, and I did OT levels.  Again, I was disappointed.  Where were the powers and abilities that Hubbard had promised?

Weren't all those wonderful things promised to all of us?

Well, no, they aren't.  Not any more.

In Scientology today, those things are not promised any more.  Oh, sure, Scientology wants you to read Dianetics and think that you are getting that kind of Clear -- but that isn't what they promise.  They love for you to listen to Hubbard's lectures about OT from 1952 and think that's what you'll be getting -- but they don't promise anything.

Today, this is what Scientology "promises":

Clear: a highly desirable state for the individual, achieved through auditing, which was never attainable before Dianetics. A Clear is a person who no longer has his own reactive mind and therefore suffers none of the ill effects that the reactive mind can cause. The Clear has no engrams which, when restimulated, throw out the correctness of his computations by entering hidden and false data.

That is very, very different from what Hubbard promised.  It used to be an amazing state full of abilities and powers far beyond the normal person.  Now it is a vague state, described as "highly desirable" but without any specific reasons why anyone should consider it desirable at all.

Today, a Clear, is just someone who "no longer has his own reactive mind", but that no longer means any specific improvements or abilities.  Nothing is promised and nothing is delivered.

Today, the determination of whether you are Clear or not has nothing to do with abilities or powers, the determination is, if you had the "Clear cognition", you are Clear -- until David Miscavige decides you aren't.

So, between Hubbard's fantastic descriptions and promises of 1950 down to the vapid and meaningless description and promises of today, the State of Clear has become powerless and meaningless.

For OT, it's even more drastic.  Today, the Church of Scientology's description of OT is:

By “operating” is meant “able to act and handle things.” And by “thetan” is meant the spiritual being that is the basic self. “Theta” is Greek for thought or life or the spirit.

An Operating Thetan then is one who can handle things without having to use a body or physical means.

Basically one is oneself, can handle things and exist without physical support and assistance. This state is Operating Thetan, or OT. It doesn't mean one becomes God. It means one becomes wholly oneself. 

Very little is said and nothing is actually promised.

The statement "handle things without having to use a body" sounds pretty good, but, well, what "things", and what does "handle" mean?  Is anything specific actually being promised here?  The statement could mean anything and so, ultimately, it means nothing.

And the statement: "One becomes wholly oneself" is devoid of any actual meaning.  With that description, anyone could be "OT" as long as they considered that they were "wholly themselves".

Whatever happened to "cause over matter, energy, space, time, life, form and thought"?  Whatever happened to "going exterior at will"?  Whatever happened to "creating and destroying MEST"?  Whatever happened to OT?

In today's Scientology, there are no promises or expectation of any special abilities or powers from becoming OT.  You finish OT VIII and, "Congratulations, you are OT".

Again, from the fantastic promises and descriptions by Hubbard in the 1950s down to the vapid and meaningless description of today, OT has become nothing much.

While Scientologists may have been lured in by the description of Clear from 1950 and the descriptions of OT from the early days, they have no reason to complain when those states never occur -- because the actual descriptions used today by Scientology for their "advanced states" are empty of all meaning and significance.  Today, nothing is promised and nothing is delivered.

This is why David Miscavige can declare thousands of Clears and OTs "not Clear" and "not OT" and send them all back to redo everything -- there are no criteria to determine or validate these states.  It's completely arbitrary, no one can say otherwise.

This is why there are constant arguments inside and outside of the church about who is and isn't Clear -- there is no way to test it, no way to prove it or disprove it.  You are "Clear" only if some "authority" says you are.

Neither Clear nor OT actually exist as exceptional states, they are just arbitrary labels assigned by some "authority" to indicate you finished some level -- nothing more.
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The Great Anti-Scientology Conspiracy That Never Was

... but, apparently, will never die.

You can't have much contact with Scientology without running into the Great Anti-Scientology Conspiracy.

It is one of the core beliefs of Scientology.  L. Ron Hubbard was quite paranoid.  He believed that pretty much everyone was working against him.  This belief is built into the core of Scientology and is the motivation behind much of the abusive policies of Scientology.  The Great Anti-Scientology Conspiracy is the primary reason for fair game, "enemy" declares, disconnection and other such illogical, abusive and sometimes illegal actions of Scientology.

But, as a friend of mine once said, "It isn't paranoia if people really are working against you."

Well, was it real, or was it paranoia?

The most noticeable thing about The Great Anti-Scientology Conspiracy is the complete lack of any proof.  Outside of Hubbard's own claims, there isn't a single shred of evidence.

From the very early 1950's Hubbard told stories about this conspiracy.  "They" tried to kidnap him; "they" tried to lock him up; "they" tried to drug him. Exciting adventures that no one ever witnessed.  Stories that changed with every re-telling.  The Great Anti-Hubbard Conspiracy changed and grew with every telling.  Eventually, it became the Great Anti-Scientology Conspiracy.

In 1967, Hubbard announced that the people behind the Great Anti-Scientology Conspiracy were just twelve, powerful people -- but he provided no proof.  In truth, his announcement surprised his closest staff, because they had not seen nor forwarded to Hubbard any such information.  "Where," they wondered, "did Ron get all this information?"

Some Scientologists believe that the FBI raid in 1977 confirmed the existence of the conspiracy, but that belief completely ignores the actual cause and effect.  The FBI raid was in response to Hubbard's "Operation Snow White", his massive spying operation on the government, which was implemented in 1974 and continued until the FBI raid and subsequent arrests in 1977.

Think about it.  If Hubbard and the Church of Scientology had been the object of a Great Conspiracy earlier, in 1974, the FBI would have already known about "Operation Snow White", even as it was planned, and it would have never succeeded as long as it did.  The only actual conspiracy was the church's conspiracy against the U.S. government.

That's simple logic.  But then, logic has never been Scientology's strong suit.

It should be pointed out here that one of the goals of "Operation Snow White" was to find and steal the evidence of this conspiracy.  Despite the tons and tons of documents stolen, absolutely no such evidence was ever found.

There is not, and never has been, any proof of any such conspiracy.

Psychiatry, the primary actor in Hubbard's Great Anti-Scientology Conspiracy, doesn't pay any attention to Scientology.  While the church carries out huge, million dollar campaigns against psychiatrists and psychiatry, their response has been mild confusion and ... nothing.  What does it indicate when your "biggest enemy" isn't doing any fighting?

Again, simple logic says, "no conspiracy".  There is no evidence and there is no proof of any Great Anti-Scientology Conspiracy.

Of course, today, Scientologists are told, in various "confidential briefings", that the "Anonymous" protests are the latest manifestation of the Great Anti-Scientology Conspiracy.

Are you kidding?  Are you kidding?!  A lot of kids in masks, carrying crude signs, dancing, telling jokes and Internet memes?  That's what Scientology's super-powerful enemies came up with?  Not in any way to denigrate the wonderful protesters, I admire them greatly for their selfless actions, but they are simply not what a Great Billion-Dollar Anti-Scientology Conspiracy would come up with as a method of destroying Scientology.  I mean, come on!

Not only that, but the birth of the Anonymous protests has been well documented -- and it was in response to the Church of Scientology's attempt to suppress embarrassing revelations on the Internet. Very well documented, indeed.

Do you begin to the logical pattern here?  Any attacks on the Church of Scientology are in direct response to illegal and unethical actions by the church.  These illegal and unethical actions by the church and the connection to the subsequent reaction and exposure of those illegal actions are very well documented.

But, says the Scientologist, it's all true!  David Miscavige said it, so it must be true.

OK, logic time again.  If it were true, if any of the Great Anti-Scientology Conspiracy were true, why hasn't the church leaked one tiny bit of proof?  If the Church of Scientology actually presented proof of this Great Anti-Scientology Conspiracy, the resulting exposure would be totally wonderful for the church.  With irrefutable proof of the conspiracy, the church would demonstrate to the world that:

• They were right about psychiatry and Big Pharma.
• Scientology is the most important group on the planet.
• Scientology's solutions do work and are a threat to psychiatry and Big Pharma.
• Hubbard was right and was a genius who changed the world.

Those conclusions would follow automatically if the Church of Scientology presented the actual proof of the Great Anti-Scientology Conspiracy.  This kind of recognition and validation is what the church desperately wants and needs, so why doesn't the church present this evidence?

There is only one reason the Church of Scientology can't, won't and will never present their "proof" to the world and garner all these wonderful benefits:

There is not and never has been any Great Anti-Scientology Conspiracy.

All of the Church of Scientology's problems were caused by the church itself.  There is no one else to blame for their problems -- they have been battling themselves for over sixty years -- and losing all the time. 
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The Church of Scientology Does Nothing

If you are like me, you are pretty bored right now with the Church of Scientology.  They do nothing.

Day after day, month after month, they do nothing.  You might hear fantastic claims being made by David Miscavige in one of his Big Events, about the "world saving solutions" that Scientology is implementing -- to great acclaim -- but that's just empty words, made up stories.  Nothing actually happened.  The church didn't actually do anything.

Here's what happens.  Some Scientologist gets excited, works real hard and "does something".  They might form a small group in their community.  They might discuss Scientology with some minor local government official.

In actual fact, it isn't much, and it never amounts to anything.

But they report it as a "win" to David Miscavige, and that's where things go crazy.  Miscavige gets all excited and dispatches his Gold Film Crew to "document this major breakthrough".

And by "document" Miscavige means, very specifically, "create a huge, exciting story about Scientology expansion and impressive impact on the world" (without any regard to what actually happened).

The Gold Film Crew know that they will be in deep, deep trouble if they report what actually happened -- and I mean RPF-prison-camp trouble.

So when the crew arrives and starts filming, they don't pay much attention to the original Scientologist or what he says.  They create a story that Miscavige wants.

Example:  The Scientologist's small group has, since the report was filed, actually disbanded.  It was only three people anyway and they lost interest.  The Gold Film Crew will gather up people, any people, put them in a room with Scientology books and charts, and film them as if they were the group.

If the story was about Scientology Volunteer Ministers, the Gold Film Crew will put those yellow VM shirts on everyone who tolerates it, pose them as if they were helping people, and film that.

If the story was about some conversation with some minor, local government official, the official will be "promoted" by the film crew to a much more prestigious position, and the story will be created about Scientology being "implemented broadly" throughout the whole country.

And nothing actually happened.  The Church of Scientology did nothing and the individual Scientologist did very little, the effect of which soon disappeared.

All the rest of the big "news" at Miscavige's Big Events is equally bogus.  At every event Miscavige announces the "destruction of psychiatry" or "unprecedented Scientology expansion" or "Scientology's solutions impacting the world"...

And nothing actually happened.  Psychiatry is doing quite well, Scientology's "solutions" aren't implemented anywhere in the real world and Scientology has collapsed and shows no signs of recovery.

David Miscavige, and his little Church of Scientology are boring -- all talk and no do.

The only excitement, and it is minor, is when David Miscavige reacts to a news report about his abuses, or when he reacts to the imagined threat of an "Independent Church of Scientology".  But even then, it's bluster and threat rather than action.

The Church of Scientology does nothing.  That's the news for today.
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Scientology: Selling Invisible Things

There is a marketing phrase, "selling the invisible", used to describe the challenge faced by advertising to sell potential customers on the "sizzle" instead of (or in addition to) the steak.

But that's not what I'm referring to when it comes to Scientology's selling of the invisible.

What I'm referring to is the amazing marketing success of L. Ron Hubbard and his Dianetics/Scientology organization in selling something that may not exist at all.

I don't want to get into an argument about the validity of Scientology, since that is a matter of belief, I only want to point out this amazing fact:  There is, and never has been, any actual, valid evidence that Hubbard's "Reactive Mind" exists.  It cannot be detected by any physical means.  It cannot be measured, weighed or tested.

And yet Hubbard sold it quite lucratively for many, many years and his Church of Scientology continues to sell it to this day.

Hubbard said, "You have this very, very evil, horrible thing attached to you that is the cause of all your problems.  You can't see it.  No one has ever seen it or detected it, but it is there and it is very evil.  Pay my organization a lot of money and we will get rid of it for you."

And then, after tens thousands of dollars and many months, or even years, of "auditing", the Scientology organization declares: "We did it!  Your Reactive Mind is now gone!  Congratulations! You are 'Clear'!"

What is the difference between having something you can't detect at all and not having it?  Apparently, tens of thousands of dollars.

Whether it is true or not, the miraculous thing is, how the heck do they sell that?  This truly is the ultimate in "selling the invisible".

I have spoken to many "Clears" after they have left Scientology and have recovered from the Scientology thought control, and every single one of them has confessed that they felt no significant difference after they were "declared Clear".

And yet, most of them were happy to continue on "up the Bridge".  I know I was.

"But," as they say on TV, "that's not all!"

After Scientology has gotten rid of this invisible, undetectable thing, what else is there?

Amazingly, but not surprisingly, it turns out there are a lot more invisible, undetectable things that you need to get rid of.

Sure, there is no physical evidence that these things exist.  Sure, there is no way to measure, test or validate their existence -- but they are there and only Scientology can get rid of them -- if you give them much more money and spend much more time getting auditing.

And quite a number of people buy that.

And, after much, much money -- now hundreds of thousands of dollars -- and many years, Scientology finally declares, "We did it!  All those bad things are now gone!  Congratulations! You are 'OT VII'!"

And all these "OT VIIs" and "OT VIIIs" look and act just like everyone else.  They aren't demonstrating any amazing successes or powers.  They aren't demonstrating great changes.  Again, I've talked to a number of "OT VIIs" after they have left Scientology and they confess that things aren't that different.

Even current True Believers only claim vague gains, "My life has changed," "I'm better," -- the kind of "improvements" reported by any and all religions and self-improvement technologies.

What do you want to bet that, if David Miscavige decides to create some OT levels above OT VIII, that it involves some newly discovered, undetectable, invisible things that only Miscavige knows about and you just have to get rid of?

Hubbard, and Scientology, do an amazing and, some would say, an impossible job of selling invisible things.  There is no evidence that any of these things exist.  There is no evidence that these things have been removed.  And there is no indication that the "removal" of these things made any noticeable difference.  And yet the Church of Scientology rakes in millions and millions selling these invisible, undetectable "results".

There are, I am sure, many sales people who would love to know how to do that.  It is a truly amazing sales miracle.
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Scientology and Control

There is "good control" and "bad control."  The difference between them is certainty and uncertainty.

L. Ron Hubbard
New Slant on Life

Most people are not aware of how much Scientology is about control.

This is not emphasized in their literature, nor broadcast when they are trying to sell you things, but much of their technologies are about control -- how to control others.

You will notice, in the quote from L. Ron Hubbard, above, and in all teachings of Scientology, that nothing is said, and nothing is taught about ethical control.  "Good" control is defined as effectively getting others to carry out your wishes, no matter what those wishes are, no matter what the other person might wish.

Let's look at specific examples.

The "Communications" Course

The Scientology Communications Course, which is one of their introductory courses, is promoted as teaching a person how to "communicate effectively".  This course utilizes Hubbard's "TR Drills" to do this.  These TR Drills are done on many courses as one trains on Scientology technologies.

And what are the goals of these TR Drills?  The TRs are there to specifically and only teach a person how to get their commands complied with or get their questions answered.  Period.  They have no other purpose.

How to have a normal conversation?  Not taught.  How to create a friendly environment where normal conversations can take place?  Not taught.  How to make people feel at ease and draw them out?  Not taught.

No, the Communications Course and all courses that utilize the TRs are only teaching a person how to control others through communication.

Hubbard's Tone Scale

Here is a simplified version of the Tone Scale:

4.0   Enthusiasm
3.5   Cheerfulness
3.0   Conservatism
2.5   Boredom
2.0   Antagonism
1.5   Anger
1.1   Covert hostility
1.0   Fear
0.5   Grief
0.0   Death

Many people have now seen this scale.  The emotions are pretty easy to understand, but what's with all those numbers?

It's all about control.  Hubbard created and taught his tone scale as a method of controlling others.  No more, no less.  Hubbard taught that, if you assumed a "tone level" that was .5 to 1.0 above another's tone, you could control them, and make them do what you want.  Or, you could assume a "tone level" .5 to 1.0 below their tone to drive them "down tone" and make them ineffective.

It's all about control.

The "ARC Triangle"

L. Ron Hubbard taught that Affinity, Reality and Communication were the three corners of this ARC Triangle.  When dealing with others, if you raised one, you would automatically raise the other two.  If you lowered one, you would automatically lower the other two.

In other words, the purpose of this "ARC Triangle" is to control others.

Lying

The only way to control people is to lie to them.

L. Ron Hubbard

On Control and Lying

Scientologists are taught, from very early on, not to tell non-Scientologists all about Scientology.  Don't talk about past lives.  Don't talk about "space opera".  Don't talk about OT.  Scientologists are carefully coached as to what to say and how to say it.  And what not to say.

They call this "acceptable truths", "shore stories", "communicating at the proper 'reality level'" and other such euphemisms for lying.

Scientologists are told such lying is necessary because, otherwise, the public wouldn't respond correctly and wouldn't come in.  In other words, Scientologists are taught to tell lies in order to control the public and bring them in.

It's all about control

There are many, many other examples of this in Scientology. Hubbard taught that there were many key phrases to cave a person in -- so you could control them.  Hubbard said that certain images from OT III materials would control people and cause them to be unable to resist buying his books.  Hubbard believed in positioning as a way to secretly control the way people thought about Scientology so that they would react favorably, without facts and without logic.

Control is a major part of Scientology.  Controlling people.  Controlling you.

So, when you are trying to have a conversation with a Scientologist, they are using "communication" to control you.  When you try to be open about your emotions with a Scientologist, they are figuring out which "tone level" to use to control you.  They are working to manipulate your affinity, reality and communication to control you.

And, when you are looking for the truth, Scientologists are trying to figure out which "acceptable truth" to tell you -- to control you.

Hopefully, this will help people understand why talking with Scientologists so often seems artificial, stilted, awkward and non-sequitur.  Scientologists have had all their natural social skills replaced with Scientology techniques for control.
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Scientology In Perspective

We're not playing some minor game in Scientology. It isn't cute or something to do for lack of something better.

The whole agonized future of this planet, every Man, Woman and Child on it, and your own destiny for the next endless trillions of years depend on what you do here and now with and in Scientology.

This is a deadly serious activity. And if we miss getting out of the trap now, we may never again have another chance.

Remember, this is our first chance to do so in all the endless trillions of years of the past. Don't muff it now...

L. Ron Hubbard

Keeping Scientology Working Series 1

Scientologists live in a mythical world of titanic, universe-wide, trillion year struggles between Ultimate Good and Ultimate Evil.

The above quote from L. Ron Hubbard has been read by every single Scientologist many times.  They believe it with all their hearts.

Today, they are fighting for their very survival and the survival of "every Man, Woman and Child".  I simply cannot exaggerate how very serious and  crucial everything is to a Scientologist.

Every time David Miscavige announces his fictional "Good News", it is a sign that Ultimate Good is winning.  But every protest, every bad news article, every exposé on TV is a sign that Ultimate Evil is winning.

It is all so very, very, very important.  To them.

And sometimes, with all this importance being artificially imprinted on Scientology by Scientologists, it is difficult to keep things in perspective.

Let's look at reality, shall we?

Scientology doesn't exist.  That is the reality in the rest of the world.  Outside of Scientology and its critics, Scientology really doesn't show up on the radar of most people.  A few might know that Scientology has something to do with Tom Cruise, and that's about it.  To most of the world, Scientology simply does not exist.

Scientology's "solutions" have been tried in a very few places, but were found to be expensive and to not work very well.  So these "solutions" have been, or are being, dropped wherever they were tried.  You look for what effect Scientology is having on the world and the answer is: None.  For all their posturing and bragging, their results are nowhere to be found.  It's like they don't exist.

Psychiatrists are not much aware of Scientology.  They know that, for some reason, Scientology attacks them, but, since the effects of those attacks are negligible, it doesn't matter to psychiatrists what they do.

Politicians are finding out that, as celebrities already know, association with the fraudulent, deceitful Church of Scientology is a huge negative to their careers.  The church has no influence there.

And, actually, Scientology is not very important to Scientology's critics either.  Yes, critics care about the victims.  Yes, they want the abuse, lies, fraud and crimes to be stopped.  Yes, they want the destroyed families to be brought back together.  But criticizing and protesting Scientology is what they do with their spare time.  It isn't their life, it isn't their survival, it isn't some "epic battle".

Outside of Scientology's bubble, Scientology just isn't important. 

In this struggle, Scientology is fighting a desperate fight for "the whole agonized future of this planet, every Man, Woman and Child on it," while its critics are happily living their lives and, occasionally, when they have some spare time, criticizing and protesting Scientology.
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Confidential to David Miscavige

Dear David,

Are you aware that, with all your recent, whiny attacks on Anderson Cooper, Marty Rathbun, Mike Rinder et. al.,  you are revealing the exact truth that you hoped to never disclose?

Anyone reading your bellicose and petulant screeds in your little Freedom Magazine can easily see how completely bogus your attacks are.  But they also realize why you are staging these attacks.

You are deathly afraid.

Any honest person who was the victim of such lies, as you claim to be, would take all the guilty parties to court for libel and slander.  An honest person wouldn't fuss and moan in some little self-published magazine.  An honest person would want their day in court to prove themselves innocent of the charges.

But you don't and you won't.

Obviously, if a person didn't have any money, they might not be able to afford such a court case.  But, that's not your excuse, you have hundreds of millions at your disposal and many lawyers who will do anything you ask.

So that leaves the real reason you won't take your accusers to court for libel and slander:

Everything they say about you is TRUE.

We all know that's the reason you whine and complain but never do anything.  All the stories of your vicious mental and physical abuses are true.  All the charges about your complicity in the many crimes, fraud and human rights violations in the Church of Scientology are completely true.

If you took anyone to court, they would then have the right to subpoena people and documents -- and you know there are people and documents in the Church of Scientology that would prove what a sociopathic criminal you are.

If you took anyone to court, you would be required to testify, under oath.  And you would lie.  You'd have to lie.  And your lies would be proven to be lies and you would go to jail.  You know all this.

And that would destroy your little money-machine called the Church of Scientology.

And that's why you won't take anyone to court.

The fact that you will never take anyone to court is a complete admission that what they say about you is true.

That is what you've revealed by your little hissy-fit in Freedom Magazine.  Gee, that was a big mistake.

But then, big mistakes are one of your defining characteristics.
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Summer Break

Don't worry if I'm slow in moderating comments for awhile, nothing is wrong.  It's Summer for all of us here in the northern hemisphere -- take a break.

Ask a Question

One of these days, I really need to go back through the previous Ask a Questions and pull out the good stuff -- and somehow present it in a better format.  There really are some great questions and discussions in Ask a Question - 1 and Ask a Question - 2.

But, once again, the most recent Ask a Question got unwieldy, so let's start a new one.

You want to know something about Scientology or the Church of Scientology, ask here!  You have a suggestion?  Put it here.  You want to start an argument or discussion?  Here is the place.  All non-troll, non-spam comments, suggestions, arguments, corrections are greatly appreciated.
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Scientology and Humor

How many Scientologists does it take to change a light bulb?

First, 12 Scientologists have to carefully research all writings and lectures of L. Ron Hubbard to find everything that LRH ever said that, however remotely, might have something to do with light, lightbulbs, repairs, the effect of electricity on thetans, and so forth.

This research will result in several Scientologists being assigned to revise the official L. Ron Hubbard biography to include the newly discovered fact that Ron actually invented lightbulbs (and, it may be hinted, even light itself).

30 Scientologists will then be assigned by David Miscavige to create a "standard" program, with purposes, policies, major targets, etc., etc. They will work for months to try to get the program approved through David Miscavige.  This approval can never happen.

Eventually, Miscavige will, with great drama, declare everyone a Suppressive Person and "do it all himself" (meaning make minor, unnecessary changes to the original program).

150 Scientologists (everyone left at Int. Base) will then work for years on this program, attempting to create and pilot the "Hubbard Standard Tech Lightbulb Changing Course".  The course will include extensive, new Golden Age of Tech drills for changing lightbulbs.

This will never get approved by Miscavige.

Eventually, Miscavige will, with great drama, declare everyone a Suppressive Person, again, and "do it all himself" (meaning make minor unnecessary changes).

1,256 Scientologists (all Scientologists left in Clearwater) will show up at the Big Release Event put on by Miscavige to wildly applaud this new step in "Bringing Scientology Effective Solutions to a Dark and Troubled World".

The new course will be priced at $10,000.00 and will also require the purchase of all Miscavige's newly re-re-revised "Basics" books.

13,126 Scientologists (all remaining Scientologists in the world) will be forced off of whatever they were doing to purchase and take this new course.   Promoted as something that can be done "in a week", the course will actually take over six months.  Only 153 Scientologists will ever actually complete the course.

They will never be able to change a lightbulb again.

I was recently reminded of the fact that all Scientologists, as part of their indoctrination, receive a humorectomy.  Scientology carefully and thoroughly removes all possibility of a sense humor.

While "jokes" might be permitted if the target is a declared Enemy of Scientology, these must be approved by Miscavige and, if approved, are not funny.  Humor, laughter, sarcasm, parody -- these things are not allowed by Scientology dogma and are thoroughly removed through Scientology indoctrination.  Believe it or not, Hubbard actually wrote a Policy Letter forbidding jokes.

This is an effect of Scientology, not just the Church of Scientology.  Scientology, even outside the church, is Serious Business.  No one is laughing.  If you read any of the Independent Scientologists' websites and blogs, you will be overcome with how Serious It All Is.  A criticism isn't just a criticism, it is an attempt by Whole Track Evil to destroy all of Scientology forever.  A bit of a fuss is A Major Battle.  Without humor, every molehill becomes a mountain.

Even some ex-Scientologists do not recover a sense of humor.  They are battling Scientology and the Church of Scientology and they are very, very serious about it.

But then there is Anonymous.  Where Anonymous has been most wonderfully successful is with humor.  They laugh at the church, they laugh at Scientologists, they even laugh at themselves.  They are a lot more sane than any True Believer.

Humor brings perspective and sanity.  It may be Scientologists' lack of humor that is most responsible for Scientology's destruction.  They just don't get the joke.
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